Dreams
I don’t always remember my dreams, but this morning I awoke holding a very strong memory of a beautiful vision which has kept me vibrating on a high note all day…
Before I share my dream I want to put a few things into perspective, I want you to know that I totally acknowledge that this was a moment that was a culmination of many (many) years of wrestling with the wisdom of loving myself (and it definitely does not have to be such a stretched out experienced for you) this is how it was for me….lots of remembering and then forgetting . Waking up and falling back to sleep.
“Breathe... Emma... breathe. Take one deep breath and again. Be gentle.”
At first, loving myself unconditionally was just too big a concept to even comprehend, loving myself sounded like a really good idea and I kept reading about all the benefits but … how? What does loving myself even look like? Feel like?
Yeah sure there were a few ‘things’ I liked about myself and even that would fluctuate from day to day, moment to moment. I tried to imagine loving myself unconditionally.. The closest I could get was loving myself in the same way I loved my children, I managed to slip into that energy but slipped back out just as fast.
And so the search for my love began… kinesiology sessions, then studying kinesiology; EFT sessions then studying EFT; reading books (piles of books) listening to podcasts, doing more courses, retreats, sound healings, shamanic healings, astrology, yoga, oh yes and oils - lots of essential oils! ...
Louise Hay, Oprah and Brene shared their knowledge with me most days; Along with these wise teachers, friends/ sisters (yes you), angel cards, chanting, plant medicine, praying and hours of meditation, visualisations, intentions and probably too much self reflection … Bogged down with the belief that there were life times of shit to offload AND my ancestors shit to get through too!!?? I’m never going to get ‘THERE’!!
Don’t get me wrong, I definitely felt some major shifts in my perspective and the flow of my life (most days) was getting way smoother.. Synchronicities and profound moments were popping up more and more, I was ‘falling asleep’ less and ‘remembering’ more. Although loving myself unconditionally was still eluding me. Perhaps my expectations of this new relationship were too high. Hmmm…?
Last week I found myself in an uncomfortable situation, I felt like the rug had been pulled out from underneath me… as I went (in slow-mo) flying through the air, embarrassment and fear engulfed me and instead of the safety net of love waiting to catch me all my old friends of perfectionism, comparison and unworthiness that had been lurking in the cupboard come out - they stood by and watched me fall. As I lay helpless on the ground they began to laugh and chant
‘INADEQUATE’! You’re Inadequate! You’re inadequate! You’re inadequate
I’m inadequate,
I murmumured as I lay hurting on the floor…
Then…
‘I’m inadequate?’
I questioned…
Bingo!
Really? Is that really true?
Breathe... Emma... breathe. Take one deep breath and again. Be gentle.
Remember to connect in with your body, not to believe all of your thoughts, remember your ‘courage mantra’ , remember how to sit in the tension, remember to cuddle the little girl in you that believed you were inadequate, what would love say?. Keep going beautiful woman.
Last night I had the most vivid dream - I was standing in front of myself with a big smile, hands held out and I took my hands in mine. Oh my god! You are complete, you are beautiful, you are divine. We hugged. My heart was bursting with love for me!!!
Wow! Really?? SHAZAM!
Without the stories and the self-created ‘poopy’ beliefs I could connect in with that part of me that is beautiful, kind, loving, perfect and powerful!!
I woke up soaking in the magic of it all. The missing piece - the divine. I saw the divine in me!!
Ahhhhhhhhhh.... I know that I have to hold this dream close and remember it again and again and again and again and again and again...
I share my dream because it’s not only the truth for me but the truth for every single one of us. We all get a glimpse of our truth in different ways at different times x
I am love and guess what? So are you! xx
